Date : 10/15/03
Kobe Bryant - The Rape
takin' it to the hole (off court)

T   
his case is fairly straightforward. From what was given in the initial court proceedings it is painfully obvious that this is more comedy than drama ... more Three Stooges than Jack the Ripper.

Both participants deserve prison sentences but not for a crime ... rather Kobe deserves two years for "lack of style" and Susy Sweetmeat should get another two years for general stupidity.

What happened?

Well, Susy Sweetmeat attracts Kobe's attention. He's on the road and bored and feeling lonely ... and ... he's an "important" person ... so ... he should get free pussy everywhere he goes. Right? Of course! Damn straight!

He invites her to his room thinking ...
"Ooooh-weeee, I'm gonna' fuck me dat pussy tonight. Ah'm gonna jam it in so far I'll be cummin out her mouth. Ooooh-weeee!"

What she hears ...
"May I invite you to stop by my room tonight so we can continue our very stimulating conversation about post-impressionistic painting & sculpture in 19th century France ... over a spot of tea and crumpets?"

But she's thinking "I hope he kisses me".

The above is obvious given her statement that she did not protest his first advances (kisses). Since she is 19, she must know about the birds & the bees. She also knows that "superstars" in sports get laid quite often wherever they go. Hence, she fully expects to get fucked as the night wears on ... else ... she would've brought her mother ... or a friend ... to prevent the inevitable advances. Going alone is proof of the above expectation.

What went wrong?

This is an obvious failure of the education system.

Kobe didn't go to college. Hence, he did not learn the fine art of successful date rape. You have to go to college for this ... and ... participate in varsity sports. All jocks make a formal study of this subject. They may even get credit for it.

They study the works of the masters like:

  • "Conveyor Belt Love"
    by Wilt (the Stilt) Chamberlain
  • "Pick 'em and Stick 'em - Foraging the Crowd"
    by Michael Jordan
  • "Taking It to the Hole - The Loose Girl Mysteries"
    by Ervin "Magic" Johnson
  • And the universal, ever popular ...
    "Cummin Up and Goin' Down"
    Co-authored by Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenneger
Jocks don't have groupies so much as opportunists. If you are a rock star, you have to beat them off with a stick (or your dick if you have the energy). Jocks are just a tad bit less popular and sometimes have to ask for a roll in the hay like Dennis Rodman asking in a bar "I'm feeling kinda' down. I need my dick sucked. Come on to the back room" ... or something like that. Often, the mere request is enough. If not, some modest deception often works.

A few drinks and kind words ... then ... off with the panties!

What Kobe did is a failure of "style". As Hugo said in Les Miserables:

"Gross natures have this in common with naive natures,
that they have no transitions."

So, the girl expects "foreplay" and El Guapo bends her over a table, pushes her panties down and crams the meat in with no juice. How suave! Of course, she doth protest! Susy Sweetmeat doesn't want money ... she wants revenge for the failure of her dream date.

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